October 7,2013 – I had to be to work at 5am – My Lilli woke up as I was getting ready for work. I got her out of her crib and changed her diaper and fixed her a bottle woke my husband up to feed her so I could go to work. I kissed Abbigail (2 year old daughter) my husband and talked to Lilli for a minute she smiled at me and coo’d so I left and headed to work. I texted my husband at 8:30am to make sure he was up to take Abbigail to school as I am texting him my work phone rings – It is my husband he is hysterical – I couldn’t understand a word he was saying but I could make out Lilli and trouble breathing. I heard the ambulance sirens and flew out the door of work and headed to the hospital. When I got there I couldn’t go back where Lilli was at they kept making me walk out side. The doctor came out with tears in his eyes and told me I’m sorry and I lost it I hit to concrete. I remember screaming at the doctor I remember screaming for my husband.I begged them to fix her please fix her – She had just had her 4 month check up and shots 1 week and 1/2 prior. She was a perfectly happy healthy 4 month old. The nurse let us hold her she was so purple and cold and had white stuff in her nose. I tried to give her – her paci it made everything better but she wouldn’t take it-she always took her paci. I cryed and held her and begged her to please come back to me. Nothing worked – as I am holding her I could feel her body going stiff. The States Attorney came in and told us we couldn’t hold her anymore and we shouldn’t of been allowed to touch her. I was so angry -we didn’t hurt our baby and even though she was gone she was still ours. The police told us we had to come back to our house for questioning and so they could collect evidence. So came home and the police were so rude and unfriendly. They made my husband go over and over again what she looked like when he found her, how long he preformed CPR etc. The took her bottle,paci,blanket, and her diapers out of the trash. They also took the sheet off our bed where it looked like she vomited. I felt sick that they thought we hurt her. Next CFS showed up and wanted to see out 2 year old to make sure she was taken care of. CFS called my girls doctor, Abbigails school, to ask questions about us. It was so sad to me. It has been almost 4 months since my Lillian Grace passed away and I am still in shock. I still cant bring my self to believe she is dead. My emotions are in a whirlwind most of the time. Everyone in family tells me to pick myself up and get back to normal. My life will never be normal again. There will always be a piece of me missing.